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Fearful-Avoidant Attachment

You want love and are terrified of it in equal measure.

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The fearful-avoidant pattern lives in the contradiction of desperately wanting connection while finding it deeply threatening. Often rooted in early experiences of harm within attachment relationships, it creates a nervous system that says both "come close" and "stay back" simultaneously.

What this means

Fearful-avoidant attachment often develops when the primary caregiver was both the source of comfort and the source of fear.

The push-pull you experience in relationships is not confusion — it's a nervous system running two incompatible programs at once.

Healing this pattern requires building safety in the body first, not just the mind.

I wrote about this in

Healing the Mother Wound

by Nikita Datar