Can attachment styles change?

Question

Accepted Answer

Yes. Attachment styles are not fixed personality traits — they are learned patterns built in response to early relational experience, and they can be changed through corrective relational experiences, therapeutic work, and deliberate practice of new nervous system responses. The adult brain retains the capacity for relational learning. Adult attachment research by Dr. Mary Main identified a category she called "earned secure" — people who were not securely attached in childhood but developed security through later corrective relationships, therapy, or significant personal growth work. This demonstrates that early patterns are not destiny. Neuroplasticity research supports attachment change. Dr. Norman Doidge at the University of Toronto and Columbia University documented that the brain forms new neural pathways throughout life in response to repeated experience. This means that new relational experiences — especially with a secure, consistent partner or therapist — physically reshape the attachment system. The speed and depth of change depends on several factors: the severity of the original wound, the quality of the corrective relationship available, and the degree of conscious work done. Change is possible but not automatic — it requires exposure to new relational experiences combined with awareness and often therapeutic support. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), developed by Dr. Sue Johnson at the Ottawa Couple and Family Institute, has the strongest evidence base for shifting attachment patterns in adult relationships, showing significant and sustained change in randomized controlled trials.